Thursday, May 7, 2015

Sedih

Sangat sangat sedih. I felt every part of me is falling down. I wont be surprised if I get an F for this OSPE and OSCE. It was the first time that i had to perform the clinical skills first. The clinical skills tested is catheterisation. I was quite nervous and i took a lot of time cleaning the suprapubic area, the private part and stuff, and as i inserted the catheter into the mannequin, the bell rang. I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED DOING THE CRUCIAL PART. NOT EVEN A BIT OF IT. And since that was the first station, it demotivates me till the end. Everything seems miserable. EVERY SINGLE THING. Then i say this microscopic picture, i was so sure it was Chronic Pyelonephritis, but then i saw the description : large and the kidney picture looks so huge. Chronic Pyelonephritis should'nt be larged. So i wrote everything else other than chronic pyelonephritis, again the bell rang. Then, i realised large pelvicalyceal, not large kidney. IT IS THE DESCRIPTION OF CHRONIC PYELONEPHRITIS. Yes. I should have followed what i saw microscopically instead of imagining the gross features. The kidney looks large because they zoomed in the picture. Urgh!

Emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo dgn diri sendiri. And now I'm writing because I just have no .... (feel in the blank tak sure perkataan apa sesuai) to face anyone so bersendirian di labcomp. lol

Lesson learnt, jangan nk nervous sgt smpai buat benda yg tk penting pun gila detail. And kalau dah tahu microscopic jangan kena tipu dengan imgination sendiri tengok gross dia -.-

ps: And That's not the only two i screwed up.

Today

Tadi lepas exam, biasa la stress baca buku so Suddenly I felt like scrolling the whatsapp messages. I'm the type that keeps every conversation until it is necessary that i need to delete something (due to memory full or others). If not, the conversation remains in my phone forever. So scrolling and scrolling, i saw a few messages that i didn't even realise before lol A few birthday messages were ignored. I really really didn't realise those messages, i swear. I'm really sorryyyyy. and It's better late than never right? Thankyouu so so much ! Maybe because I just changed my phone sbb tu tak sedar. hihi sorry ! (ps: Yes, i found ways on how to transfer the conversation from my old phone to a new phone, and i succeeded) *peace* haha Am i the only one weird cause i met lots of people who delete all their convo most of the time? haha 

(Kalau org yg aku ckp thankyou tu jenis delete message, mesti dia macam kenapalah sara tetiba ckp thankyou ? hahaha) 


Ps: Esok OSPE and OSCE for urinary system, pray for me ! Thankyou :) 


Friday, March 6, 2015

26022015

Alhamdulillah, all praised to Allah for giving me such a beautiful life. It has been a while since I am no longer as confidence as I was before. I know my confidence level dropped since the MARA announced that I couldn't fly. I always cry and cry and cry. Even after years, sometimes i'm still crying over the same reason. Lol my father once said " Ara dah tk macam dulu, dulu ara kuat, buat lah pape, jangan harap ara nangis, mesti selalu lawan sapa yg kacau, but now.. nangis je keje" Yes I do admit saya mmg macam tu. But I am so lucky to have someone that i can trust utk nangis, untuk mengada yang sentiasa tak give up Walaupun i can be such a pain in the ass, tiba tiba sensitive semacam takda reason, tetiba happy pulak smpai jd awkward budak ni sedih ke happy. Tetiba random experiment to make sure things that i doubt out of the blue, balik penat penat drive kena layan pulak orang ni terasa lol yes I know i am mengada hihi Thankyou 😊 At times, I felt so regret for taking this journey, if only i choose something else i wouldn't have to be this sad. But then i met all of them, they gave me strength to survive this medical journey. To survive getting an F lol So in every clouds, there is a silver lining. I guess this is mine. I have them in my life. Thankyou kawan kawan 😊😋 Am officially  twenty and that marks my maturity. Cewah tipu je. Haha inshaaAllah saya akan makin terima sikit demi sikit.

Ps: saya igt nk upload video kt insta tapi tak reti nk edit cantik cantik haha am still a newbie.

Ps: For those SPM leavers yang baru dpt result and result tu kurang memuaskan. Don't worry too much. It's not the end. I got an 8A+ and 1A and i didn't get what i want. The attitude towards the result, how you deal with it, how you plan your road is what matters. I realised I was a bit overconfident with my results so I took things for Granted. So make a plan, inshaaAllah whatever your results are, you'll get what you want at the end. As long as you keep the effort going.

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Adam

Adam i miss you miss you miss youuuuu. kenapa balik kuantan harini ? :( Tak sayang aunt jugak ke? :( Kalau ada adam mesti dia tengah try buat aunt dia ketawa. Macam kelmarin dia duduk je depan aunt. Tengok aunt sedih. Then dia amik mainan burung dia. Pusing pusing aunt pusing pusing ! Aunt pun pusing la wlpn tak la hilang terus sedih. but it does help a little. Lepas tu dia duduk je depan aunt diam diam. Dia mcm cakap something "aunt nangis" camtu bunyi dia. And boleh la dapat hug dari Adam. And how can i not love him. #nephewkesayangan hihi

Sorry

I just need someone to hear me out. I know I shouldn't say those things to people. but i need someone to listen. I hope someone to understand why i'm saying it. I dont mean to say bad things. I'm just really really sad. But i guess the more i say it, the more negative thoughts people will have towards me. Even from the closest.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

17022015

If only i know i will face this over and over again, i would not have make this choice. O Allah, make me strong. because I'm really weak right now.  I know I should be thankful with everything I got. lots of them got less than what i have right now. But i see myself as a failure. A complete failure. Ask me did i achieve anything? and the answer is No. People are moving on in their life accomplishing something, achieving something, or doing anything that they love, and what did i do? Nothing. Make me a thankful person ya Allah. I'm really sorry for not being grateful. because I am just a normal human and I have feelings.

Monday, February 2, 2015

Big Hero 6

Big Hero 6 

Such an inspiring movie ! I LOVE ! hihi Long time since I last write. Cerita tu dah lama but just got the chance to watch it. And yes i have a new mission. hehehe Not so logic but.... i want to make BAYMAX, hehe It's like a combination of what I wanna do and what I'm doing right now. I really really want to make a Robot. I really really do. Kan seronok if i were to be that genius. Wow Hero wow. hihi Okay tu je. Done with my imagination but it really spice my spirit up. Please medic, don't pull down my creativity and imagination . Weee. till then :)

                                                                                                       Love,

                                                                                                       Me :3